The disappoinment never ceases

I really cannot begin to say how upset I am; I can't say this will be the most uplifting, encouraging post ever!!!
We were supposed to move! I was ecstatic! I mean... 3 years + is a LONG freakin way coming! But... JUST as I allow myself to believe we are moving, and actually packing the disappointment hit me.
You see, we were supposed to move this coming week. Then we hear that NOPE, the people who are in the house, who was supposed to be kicked out, are planning to move out at the end of June. On top of that is time to fix up the house from whatever damage the prior tenants have done. And THEN we could move in. I don't ever expect to move in to this house, actually. I don't. There is NOTHING to lead me to believe that we will move out of this house until we hit the lottery. I am angry and bitter and unbelievably upset.
I am angry at where I am. I turn 25 years old next month and I can't help but feel bitter and upset about my entire life. Why am I the one who has to live here? I have Grace and Noah and JC and..... (anyone) ....???
How does anyone get in this place? No job, no place to live.

Change is inevitable

I am completely ready for the changes that God has in store for our family! We are moving by the end of the month (provided all goes well with the house!)- Praise the Lord!!! I have not seen the inside of the house yet, I just know if it has a bathroom, kitchen, an area to sleep and is habitable then we can jump in! If it's large enough maybe we will have a cook-out to kick off our new place to live. It's about time!

This week has been interesting to say the least. I had an interview with an interpreting agency and am scheduled to be evaluated to see where my skills are. Of course, I am very nervous! I really don't know where my skills are as of now and I don't really know where I can get a job Signing to help improve my skills! I had two sleep studies done this week. I was praying that after the first night the tech would let me know I didn't need to come back for the second night, unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I didn't sleep almost at all at either of them and today I have a raging headache from the cpap machine that they tested on me last night.

Today was supposed to be the morning that I run the Susan B. Komen 5K. Sadly, I was informed I shouldn't do the race this morning. I was completely bummed out. My told me "it's ok, there will always be other races." Which is very true, I am just bummed out. I have been training for THIS specific race since August 2009 and registered months ago, and sadly I had to bail out. It sucks!! I was excited, just the experience alone would have been phenomenal!! There was supposed to be a record of 50,000 people to show up! :(

I feel really lost right now since I don't really feel comfortable interpreting but I need to continue my skills. The optimal job would to have a job signing for the majority of my day. I can't lose my skills! I am really trying to pray about it, and be patient. I know all in His time I will hear. But I feel so lost and useless.

Grace and Noah's spring program for school was adorable. Their best friend, Jonah, was in it this time. All of them did a fantastic job and were so cute! Grace's last day EVER of preschool is May 27th and then later that night she will "graduate" from preschool. I can't believe she is so old now. I can't believe I am so old now! It's a bitter- sweet feeling all in itself!

JC is still struggling to find a job! We are struggling, but getting by I suppose. I know God has us under His wing. I want to know that we will be ok, but I just have to trust that we will be! That's my downfall- trusting.

More updates coming I presume! Have an awesome weekend all!

Ode to the world!! What a very interesting past few months! Long time, no update, so sorry!

Since February things have gone astray. Let's just say that life has gone from complicated, got worse and is now all about keeping ourselves afloat. God seems to have a lot of confidence in us that we won't fail Him, so we are doing all we can to keep above the water!

Our living arrangements have not changed. We are where we are, you would think I would have accepted this by now... Grace is now 5 years old and is smart as a whip. She was recently tested for Kindergarten at a private school here in town and did very well. No worries. Lots of prayers that things will go as planned and that we can provide tuition! Noah's 4th birthday is Sunday, May 2, and we are excited for him to turn 4 years old. And yet, I am sad because he is no longer a baby. I have known this for some time now; It's hard to see your little one getting older! Why didn't anyone tell me these years go by so quickly!?!?!?! *wink wink*

Jobs.... ho hum.... I feel useless. I went to school for this career and cannot even make it just barely. Of course, I feel like a failure. I feel it every day. I just keep praying that I hear what God wants me to do with my life right now.

Goals? Well, this past Saturday, April 24 I ran my first 5K!!!! I couldn't believe I made it! I couldn't believe I got to the end, I ran the whole way, I didn't collapse, and I wasn't last! I don't really know exactly what "good time" is for a first timer, or for a 5K, but my time was 37 minutes and 15 seconds! I have a time to beat and a goal to work towards for my next 5K which will be May 15! I am trying to keep the ball rolling so that I don't give up! I enjoy having a goal to work towards again, and I am excited to train with my friend, Julie- we used to be neighbors....way back when we lived on our own!

My sister in law and brother are expecting their first baby, due June 8th! I have a nephew from my brother's first marriage, but this baby will be a girl. And I know my nephew is already an awesome sibling to have! He is going to protect her with every bit of strength he has!
And finally, my mom will graduate May 8 with her BSN!! She has been working her rear- end off for so long! She got her LPN way back when I was a young child, when I went to college she also went back to get her RN. I had Grace. Then she graduated with her RN and started back at school after we dealt with my sickness and having Noah. So she is long over due for this occasion! I am so proud of her! Now she won't know what to do with herself!

Here are a few pics of Noahs's birthday pictures,My new hair cut- 8 inches off, Grace pretending she is pregnant- which is a daily ritual here, and my crossing the finish line victory look, maybe I can fit a pic of the kids and I, as well :D

In the midst...

of.. The Holidays!!
So much is going on in the past few weeks. Grace and Noah had their school program Dec. 11 and it was adorable. I am not so sure when I became so emotional, but I got teary eyed seeing the pictures up on the slide before the program even began. Noah got on stage with his class and I bawled!! Finally got a grip of myself for 2 classes, then Grace got on stage... and, again, I cried! They were so gorgeous and I am really seeing their innocence and joy of being kids and having fun with their friends and being part of such a big group their age. *this may fully impact my decision to, or not to, home school the kiddos!
Noah had surgery this morning. This would make his 3rd surgery, 3rd set of tubes and he had his adenoids removed as well this time. So needless, to say, he is ... sore, and emotional!
It is officially less than one month until Grace's 5th birthday!!! That will be very emotional for me! It's been a long way coming and I just don't think I am ready to let go and allow her to go to school yet! And to continue the tradition my mom started, my mom made a dress for Grace to have her fifth birthday pictures taken in!
JC is now traveling for work. In fact he leaves in a few minutes to go to Nebraska! The kids have never been away from their daddy for more than a day, so it will be new to them and to him. Although, to make sure the kids still get some sentimental time with him, we have two of the same books. So we packed one for daddy and kept one home with us. So that just before bed time, daddy can call us and read the kids the book as they follow along in the book we have here at home.

I have been working so much on running. I am struggling to reach 1.5 miles about 4-5 days a week. I have to really force myself. But it hit me about 2 wks ago just how far a 5K is and I will do it darn it! I WILL!
Another very exciting piece of info. is that I have joined the YMCA's Great Weight Race of 2010 and I am determined to lose this weight. I got my first "fat" comment about a month ago. Since then I have not over eaten or eaten more than one piece of sweet's or candy! Trust me, it's a big deal!!!
We are also now looking to get out this house. Not a theoretical- for SURE! Although we cannot afford much, so we are really trying to bare through this and get out. So hopefully by mid Jan. at the LATEST the end of January we are out and in a place of our own- we will need some visitors!
Well,
It's time to wish my hubby off and make sure he is safe. Pray for us and keep US posted about YOU as well!!

Time versus Distance

Myself- Things are ok. Health is always an inconsistent part of my life which I would prefer to idolize. I think things will settle down a bit, and BAM* I am hit and starting all over again. Running is going very well. Up until now I have been Running for 2 mins. at 5.7 mph and resting for 2 mins. at 3.7 mph. I would do this for 20 mins. and cool down with a 5 minute brisk walk. Well, late last week it hit me that I wasn't paying attention too much to my distance, just my time. So this evening I decided to change things up a bit and run as long as I can at a steady pace and work at distance and pacing myself. I was able to run for half a mile without stopping or slowing. I think it would have gone better if I had not seen an old friend and chatted for half the time I usually spend running. So now my goal is to up my distance- and not to look at the distance during the run!
I am feeling the pressure to move out. I want to move out on our own and be the wife and mother I have been craving to be for a while now. So prayers for all of us would be much appreciated!
Looking for a job! I finally got my diploma in the mail a while ago, and now I am working towards stepping up my game and improving my skills, more like starting over again since I haven't interpreted in a professional manner in a long while! So, I pray things will pick up in that area. As well as, I had an interview last week for child care. I would like to earn as much money as possible in order to pay off/down some debt, work towards two reliable cars and keeping up with our growing family!!
Kids- wow! This week starts the first week of the new quarter classes at the YMCA and are involved in Gymnastics and Swimming together. They are in separate class names, but classes that are combined- do to age and skill- which is awesome because this saves me time- both kids, same class, same times! The kids are doing excellent in school. Grace is really picking up words and learning that written words put together on paper eventually mean something all together!! So cute. She loves to write! Noah is improving on his letters and recognition.
Trick or Treat?!- Grace was Tinkerbell- no surprise there, and Noah was a crocodile, or maybe it was a dinosaur- it was hard to tell. But they enjoyed it. They were going strong for 50 mins. The 50-60 mins. in to Noah became crabby and once we passed Nana and Papa's house Grace asked to go home as well. They were pooped, but it was a blast and I enjoy the kids and the making memories! I will be posting pics soon of Trick or Treat and Carving Pumpkins! =D
- Right now I am still in much debate about home- school or keeping the kids in their school now. But tuition is expensive! Times two.... Phew! So, we'll see.
JC- life is a whirlwind! JC works all the time and nonstop. He doesn't get to see the kids as often as he, or the kids, would like, and he drives a good distance. So... Things are just going there. Although, we all miss him and enjoy when he is home and attentive to the kids- and not to work .
We are growing as a family... and the biggest news of this month is that Aunt Ashley and Uncle Jimmy are giving Cousin Connor a sibling! WOO... who happens to be due around my birthday! =D Blessings, Blessings all around!

There is a light- isn't there?

Well, things are certainly on the rise. JC's new job is keeping him occupied to the max. It's sad; I miss him, a lot. The kids are busy bees! Pre-school, swimming, gymnastics, the fun of every day life. I babysit a little boy now, on a part time basis. The kids love him and they interact so well!
Obviously, we have not moved yet. I feel like I mentally know that there is an end in sight, there is a place for our family, but things are frozen in time. I so desperately want to move out and start the family on our own; I need to be the mom and wife I was meant to be. I am constantly stressed out, yelling at someone or something, feeling like I will never get out- it hurts. I know that some day we will move out, but I feel so down and discouraged.
My health has taken a turn for the worst. The pain has returned and the misery is almost constant. I am trying to push through, but it's difficult. Especially because I have had to cut down on my exercising.
Prayers are always needed and welcomed....
Maybe some help to get myself back in to my positive thoughts could help... who knows!
Somewhere down this tunnel is a light..... isn't there?